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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Marijuana study: most Luxembourg residents unable to roll fat joint, hit that shit

January 21, 2019

Marijuana in LuxembourgA recent study examining the proposed legalization of cannabis in Luxembourg has revealed a lack of basic marijuana-smoking skills, including the widespread inability to roll a fat joint as well as general ignorance how to hit that shit.

The study, authored by a team at the University of Wiltz using data collected from surveys, says that if legalization occurs, first-time and other inexperienced users will face major obstacles.

“Most respondents have no idea where to get a pack of sweet-ass XXL blunt-style rolling papers,” said Maeva Amaro, who led the study. “And very few are aware of the need for a suitable pot-smoking lighter, such as one with an image of a marijuana leaf on one side and a cartoon rendition of Bob Marley on the other.”

The other major difficulty that new smokers will likely face, claims the study, is figuring out how to hit that shit — and how to hit that shit right.

The study cites one case in which a 64-year-old pensioner from Remich expressed a belief that one need only to stand near a marijuana smoker and inhale second-hand smoke to feel the effects.

“This individual and those like him, many of whom possess a university degree and have widely travelled, are nevertheless ignorant of the basic pot-smoking principle that if you want to get high, you’ve got to put the end of your preferred smoking device in your mouth, be it a joint, a pipe, or a bong,” Amaro said. “And that you’ve got to light up the other end, suck the hell out of it, and hold that shit in.”

The study’s authors say that before legalization is finalized, the government should make certain that the population is well informed and trained in the practices and etiquette of marijuana consumption, adding that the best option is to create a new ministry to oversee cannabis quality and organize education programs.

“A Ministry of Marijuana would be the best way to ensure that smokers have access to that good sticky bud with all those red hairs in it, like that stuff we had in Amsterdam that one time that got us stoned out of our minds,” the study concludes. “And such a ministry could ensure that every adult in Luxembourg knows how to pack a tight bowl, light that bad boy up, and smoke it like a motherfucker.”

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