The Ministry of Useful Information has launched a new campaign to warn newcomers about the risks of assuming that you can do as you want in a place with a national population as big as a medium-sized city in other countries.
“Welcome to Luxembourg,” said Minister Marie-Claude Valenti in a press conference on Monday. “We’re happy to have you, and we really hope you find joy and success here.”
“Much of which will depend on your ability to keep your mouth shut, not shame yourself in public, and stay in line,” she said. “Everyone here knows each other.”
“We’re not quiet people because we’ve got nothing to say,” she continued. “We just know better.”
“In three years when you cheat on your spouse and half the country finds out, don’t say you weren’t warned,” she added.
Among the behavior Valenti advises against is getting drunk with people you don’t know well, getting drunk with people you do know well, talking shit about someone, and generally doing or saying anything that you wouldn’t want to appear in tomorrow’s newspaper.
“I don’t care if you’re at a bar in Dudelange and you think it’s safe to badmouth a colleague who lives in Diekirch,” she said. “The bartender is probably his cousin.”
“Sure, what happens in Luxembourg might stay in Luxembourg,” she added. “But it will haunt you for the rest of your time here.”