Following years of trying to compel bastards in expensive cars to park correctly and in a considerate manner, VDL officials have announced they’re giving up, saying that the only solution is to give these people their own, larger spaces.
“In every public parking garage or supermarket parking lot, clear white lines have been painted to show drivers how to park so as to leave maximum space for others,” said Lynn Kirsch, head of the VDL office of special initiatives. “Such basic acts of sharing are the signs of a civilized society.”
“Nevertheless, every day, all around the city, bastards in expensive cars park at an angle so as to claim two spaces instead of one,“ she said. “These bastards think they’re more important than the rest of us who drive Seats, Peugeots, and Kias.”
“And you know what?” she added. “They’re absolutely right. They’re special, and they deserve special treatment.”
Kirsch says that starting next week, these drivers will get their own spots, double the size of normal spaces and located even closer to entrances than spots for people with limited mobility. Cars worth less than €100,000 risk being towed.
When asked why measures can’t be taken to punish or even shame bastards in expensive cars who take two spots, Kirsch spat, shook her head, and hissed.
“These people are sociopathic,” she said. “Even if you catch them in the act, reacting with anger only feeds their sense of entitlement and makes them wish it were possible to take three spots instead.”