• Expats
  • Grand Duchy of Luxembourg
    • Real Estate
    • Transportation
    • Luxembourg City
    • Politics and Government
    • Education
    • Luxembourgish Customs
    • Luxembourg History
    • Royal Family of Luxembourg
    • Finance and Banking
    • Business
  • Languages
    • Luxembourgish
    • French
    • German
  • Workplace
  • Leisure and Lifestyle
    • Holidays and Events
      • Schueberfouer
      • Christmas Market
      • Bazar International
    • Dining and Nightlife
    • Shopping
    • Parenting
    • Health
    • Luxembourg Wurst Magazine
    • Interviews and Profiles
    • Opinion
      • Wise Expat Sage
  • Greater Region
    • Belgium

Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

News of the virus reaches northern Luxembourg

April 28, 2020

North Luxembourg peopleInhabitants of Luxembourg’s northern lands have finally received news of the coronavirus, according to tribal elders who rule the remote region. 

“Several moons ago, we sensed a great panic followed by a calm emanating from the southern lands,” explained Claude Sassal, 67, who leads the Sassel tribe. “As well as a reduction in the number of cars, delivery trucks, and lost tourists passing through.”

Sassal says that he and other elders including Josie Hupperdange, 72, of the Hupperdange clan, and Carlos Boxhorn, 78, of the Boxhorn folk selected an emissary to travel southwards along the Rossmillen trail, which northern people have been using for millenia to reach the hinterlands of the south.

The emissary was a robust 47-year-old shepherd named Hertwig who had once journeyed as far south as Ettelbruck as a boy. Equipped with a walking stick and a map dating back to the Napoleonic Wars, he set off but returned disheveled and confused three weeks later after taking a wrong turn in Kautenbach.

The elders then selected another emissary, a 17-year-old stable boy named Balthasar, renowned for his moral character and vigor. He returned two months later in good spirits, but with pierced ears and an unfinished tattoo of a wolf smoking a cigar on his upper arm.

“Our Balthasar struggled to understand the carp-lipped Latinate tongue of the southern folk, but by combining gestures with images on handheld devices, they were able to teach him about the existence of a pestilence, as well as how to safeguard himself and his people against it,” Sassal said. 

Sassal went on to explain that all members of the northern tribes must now wrap their faces in blue parchment, purify their hands with grain alcohol, and keep a distance of two meters from others. 

“Which our scholars have calculated is a bit more than three ells,” he said. “That’s to say, less than an entire rute, or about five féiss, obviously.”

Luxembourg Wurst t-shirts, souvenirs, Amazon

Check out our archives of 450+ articles, enough to make your eyes bleed!

Filed Under: Coronavirus / COVID-19, Featured Article, Health, Luxembourg Countryside

COVID Luxembourg archives
Luxembourg Wurst t-shirts and hoodies
Expat Luxembourg

Expat visits Guichet.lu to see if she can express discontent or if she’s just here to pay tons of tax while driving property values up

Ursula von der Leyen Amazon review of AstaZeneca

Commission president gives AstraZeneca 1-star review on Amazon

Sales homes Luxembourg

Buy now: homes on sale for 125% of usual price

It's time to recruit drug dealers to get the vaccine for us

Opinion: it’s time to recruit drug dealers to get the vaccine for us

Asian kid not impressed by Luxembourg journalist

Asian kid not impressed by Luxembourg journalist

The real story of the red lion, by Wise Expat Sage

Red lion of Luxembourg history

About the Luxembourg Wurst

Disclaimer

Contact Us

Luxembourg Wurst © 2021