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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Officials: speed cameras living, reproducing on their own

February 26, 2020

Radar units gone wild in LuxembourgLuxembourg officials have confirmed that several mobile speed cameras that escaped from a warehouse last year have begun breeding, and that as many as 100 of the devices are now living on their own.

The alarm was sounded on Monday by a motorist who stopped near Kopstal for what she believed was a group of children dressed like robots but was actually a family of five units. 

“I tried to pet the smallest one, but it looked scared, so I offered it some motor oil and a taste of the USB charger in my car,” she continued. “But that only enraged the mother, who started flashing me like crazy.”

Ministry of Mobility and Public Works spokesperson Anne Goergen-Zola says it’s understandable that the public might be fearful of a robot takeover à la “The Terminator” franchise, but she insists that the devices will make great contributions to both public safety and the state’s coffers. 

“With their seemingly high rate of reproduction and a gestation period that we believe only lasts a few days, within months there could be tens of thousands of these little guys on every motorway and country road,” she said. “Even if they’re feral, they’re still programmed to transmit any collected data to the police who can then issue speeding tickets.”

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