What started as a mundane journey on the Luxembourg City tram on Tuesday morning turned into an unpleasant spectacle that caused shock and outrage.
As the Kirchberg-bound tram slowed to a halt at the Faïencerie stop, a short melody was played. Against all unwritten codes of tram etiquette, a passenger bounced her head from side to side in sync with the music.
“How dare she,” said one disapproving onlooker, peering over his smartphone.
“She seems to be enjoying herself,” hissed another, feeling scandalized by the display of morning cheer.
When confronted, the perpetrator boldly defended her disregard for the sacred stoic decorum of the morning tram ride.
“It’s just so groovy,” she said, continuing her head-bouncing. “This is the only moment I feel human during the day.”
Passengers exchanged glances while some clutched their briefcases as if to shield themselves from this unexpected burst of rhythm.
Former infrastructure minister and tram enthusiast François Bausch gave a statement regarding the disruption.
“When we installed the tram tunes, we expressly chose sounds from classical music,” he said. “The tram is meant to be enjoyed in a non-moving and uncheerful way, in line with the solemnity of all public transport.”
Current infrastructure minister Yuriko Backes also commented on the controversy, taking a firmer stance.
“From now on, we will not tolerate such nonsense,” she said. “We are implementing stricter guidelines to maintain the serenity that our commuters expect and deserve.”
“Anyone who taps their feet, bounces their head, or – and I pray this never happens – shakes their hips will be sent to Switzerland for two weeks to take tram etiquette lessons.”
Historians are already insisting that the incident will be recounted in hushed tones for years to come, a cautionary tale of the dangers of grooving on public transport.
Written by Wurst contributor Celestina Chance
