WALFERDANGE – A local woman has confirmed that despite having otherwise vanilla sexual fantasies, she can only reach orgasm by thinking about the sales rack at a German discount supermarket. “My kinky dreams are quite commonplace,” said Audrey Tindler. “A postman asking if he can step inside until the scary chihuahua stops chasing him. A […]
Confirmed: it always rains in Luxembourg
Despite some recent and obviously false claims, it has always rained non-stop in Luxembourg, and it will always rain non-stop in Luxembourg, it has been confirmed. “Some people – delusional or simply dishonest, it’s hard to say – have publicly stated that for several weeks it did not rain,” said Carlo Reenmann, a realist who […]
Giving girls dollhouses creates ‘unrealistic, harmful belief that they’ll be homeowners one day’
A study from the University of Wiltz has confirmed what many parenting experts have warned about for years: giving girls dollhouses may lead them to believe that they will eventually be able to afford a home. “It’s fine to give girls toys like Barbies and rocket ships because there is indeed a chance they’ll become […]
WTF! Kid just shows up and asks if child can play
In what’s being called a “major anomaly that obliges us to question the nature of reality,” a neighbor boy has just shown up at a home to ask if the child who lives there would like to play. On Saturday afternoon, the neighbor boy – known only as “the kid from that house on the […]
Cheap-ass wine must be amazing because it has gold medal sticker
A three-euro bottle of wine that any reasonable person could immediately deduce is awful has nevertheless been enthusiastically purchased because it is adorned with a golden sticker. Mike Crayton says he was shopping at a discount supermarket when the bottle, which was on display on the bottom of shelf in the drinks section, hidden behind […]
Living dangerously: woman announces she’s paying with Sodexo card despite not knowing remaining balance
An office worker from Bertrange has proved that she’s a bona fide daredevil when she announced she would pay with her Sodexo card despite not knowing the remaining balance. The reckless feat was performed on Friday afternoon when Kristen Ager stopped by a supermarket to pick up some items for the weekend. When the cashier […]
Musk demands duchy give up X and become ‘Luembourg’
Tech giant Elon Musk has demanded that Luxembourg give up the x in its name, saying that the letter is a registered trademark and belongs to him and his social media platform. “Are your X are belong to us,” he said in a post, informally known as a xeet, formerly known as a tweet. The […]
Using Facebook Marketplace ‘fastest way to becoming a raging misanthrope’
A team of researchers from the University of Wiltz have concluded that the surest way to become a raging misanthrope is by attempting to use Facebook Marketplace. “Even seemingly loving, peaceful people quickly turn into contempt-filled people haters after trying to buy or sell anything on the platform,” said Dr. Fernand Feuri, who published the […]
In utero phones: the right choice for your baby
When you have a baby, you want the best for her. Even during a pregnancy, you’re probably worried about making the right choices. Some expectant parents might wonder if smartphone use has a negative impact on the child. What they should be asking is: is an in utero smartphone right for my baby? The answer […]
5 ways to present Luxembourgish culture to the new expat family – and they’re gone
You’ve just met a family that has moved here from your home country. Best of all, they’re your type of people: easygoing, lively, and always up for trying new things. Here are five ways you can introduce the local culture to them. Luxembourgish cuisine Admittedly, you personally have never tried traditional Luxembourgish dishes such as […]
New shop in center offers usual stuff but at ‘twice the price’
A new shop in the center of Luxembourg City has already attracted a dedicated customer base, namely those who are drawn by the concept of paying significantly more for the same stuff. “The idea is simple,” Audrey Lambert, owner of Double Prix. “We offer a little bit of everything – food, personal hygiene items, cleaning […]
Cashier turns away, attaches blindfold, puts bag over head while you enter PIN
What started as a charade that you initially found goofy and unnecessary has turned into a full-fledged commitment to respecting your confidential banking information. After dining at a restaurant with your partner on Thursday, you approached the cashier station to pay with a debit card. When prompted to enter your PIN, the cashier made a […]