An expat couple who moved from Luxembourg to Thionville in search of cheaper housing have been unable to persuade anyone to visit them, according to friends who are regularly badgered to make the arduous journey.
“Thionville is quite close, literally 30 kilometers away,” Phil Kulik told friends during a night out in Clausen last weekend. “You could almost walk there.”
“The city is really not bad, and even has a couple good bars and clubs,” said girlfriend Lola Hirsch, whose mere mention of Thionville sent the group reaching for their smartphones. “We’ve been unpacked for months. There’s no reason not to come.”
“How about this weekend?” Kulik said. “No? Okay then, what about some evening in January?”
“I’ll make my famous lamb stew,” Hirsch said. “And Phil’s got those bottles of expensive wine he’s been wanting to uncork.”
“And I have a new prototype PS5 that was only given to four other people in the world,” Kulik continued. “It’s state-of-the-art virtual reality gaming, and it will totally blow your minds. I’ll just sit and watch while you all play. Seriously.”
“I never mentioned it, but Katy Perry is my old school friend, and she’s planning to spend a weekend with us, to try out some new songs in front of us,” Hirsch said. “We could arrange that for the same night.”
“I’d be very willing to pay you to visit us,” Kulik added. “I don’t care, it can be for a quick coffee one afternoon. 1000 euros each. Any takers?”
According to one source, by 2:35 a.m. the remaining intoxicated members of the party did agree to visit the couple before the end of the decade, but in the morning denied they had done so and in any case mistakenly recalled that the couple had moved to Arlon.