Admitting that it is insensitive to continue holding the annual Schueberfauer on sacred ground without honoring those entombed below it, officials have unveiled a statue of a financial services professional that will become a permanent feature of the fair.
The statue, called the Unknown Portfolio Manager, is located between the Jean La Gaufre stand and the Ferris wheel. The aim is to memorialize the countless bankers who have died in the line of professional duty and been buried at the site during the last hundred years.
“For too long we have stuffed our faces with sausages and waffles, guzzled beer and soft drinks, and watched our children burn 25 euros to win a stuffed dog worth not even a tenth of that — all without giving even the most cursory thought to those finance professionals whose spirits dwell here,” said fair spokesperson Anne Fauer.
“Those men and women who now rest under the Glacis parking lot because even until their dying breaths, they were given one more risk analysis to complete or one last financial statement to audit.”
“Amen,” she added.
An elder from the finance sector blessed the statue by reciting the text of the most recent CSSF circular and spreading the remains of shredded market reports.
While officials insist the decision to erect the monument was driven only by the desire to be respectful, some say it is an attempt to put an end to decades of alleged sightings of phantom financial advisors during the three-week event.
“One time I was queuing for the Wilde Maus XXL with my kids when this glowing figure in a suit and tie urged me to diversify my portfolio,” said Beata Lalorre. “I was like, I don’t even have a portfolio, but he had already vanished.”
Originally published by RTL Today