A team of scientists from the Luxembourg Center for Advanced Astronomy say they have solid evidence of a Luxembourg-ville that exists in a parallel universe — but that everything in this place is the opposite of the city we know.
“It’s curious, because the social and economic fabric of this faraway place is turned inside out,” said Dr. Kelvin Gudaye, who first theorized the parallel-universe Luxembourg in 2008 after smoking cannabis he bought on Rue de Strasbourg.
“For reasons that are obvious, and because we’re too lazy to come up with a better name, we’re calling this locale Gruobmexul-Elliv, which sounds like it comes from the Aztec language, unless you speak it, and then it doesn’t,” he said.
Gruobmexul was first observed during a rare cloudless night last month when Gudaye and his colleagues sat atop Kneiff, Luxembourg’s tallest hill, and fixed their telescopes on a distant collapsing star that had created a wormhole and permitted a glimpse into this parallel city.
“It appears that most of the inhabitants — the ones who are fortunate enough to have jobs, anyway — don’t work in large modern office buildings with gyms, but rather labor in fish canning plants located underground,” Gudaye said. “Everyone drives old, ugly cars that look like dilapidated Peugeots from the early 1990s.”
“And perhaps strangest of all, nobody ever stops smiling and saying hello,” he continued. “Which could be a result of the incessant sunlight, or the excessive amount of intoxicating gases in the air, for Gruobmexul appears to be a heavily polluted place.”
What’s also notable, says Gudaye, is that during the week this place is virtually clear of traffic, as there is little in the way of economic activity. On weekends, however, the population doubles as people from Gruobmexul’s three wealthier neighboring countries flood in, desperate for music and entertainment.
“Gruobmexul appears to be a hub of life and culture, and the Gruobmexulians are apparently known for their charisma, bright and colorful fashion, and devil-may-care attitude,” Gudaye said. “In fact, all across this alien landscape, in profiles for dating apps resembling Tinder, people often lie and claim to be Gruobmexulian to give the impression of being wild and fun.”
Unfortunately, Gudaye says, Gruobmexul suffers from endemic joblessness and poverty, although a handful of wealthy people do inhabit this city.
“Strangely enough, these rich denizens appear to spend their days hanging out near the train station in search of a good quick shoe shine, and they can be seen begging poorer but happier passersby to sing them a song,” Gudaye said.
Also, there is a strong indication that like Luxembourg, Gruobmexul is led by a monarch with limited powers, and that he is the symbolic head of state.
“Based on our observations, this monarch is named Reehen, and it appears that he’s less than a meter tall, is dark and hairy, and has the voice of a mouse,” Gudaye said.
