Most drivers in Luxembourg do their best to fit their cars neatly into parking lot spaces, even when their vehicle is some kind of obscene luxury Jeep that no one actually has an excuse to drive, and the parking space was designed for a Twingo.
However, there exists a subset of drivers whose lack of consideration borders on villainous. Who are these people, and what are their favorite ways to take more than one spot?
This driver is passive-aggressive, the sort who will never let anyone merge but pretends to be distracted by the radio in order to avoid making eye contact with the aggrieved other driver. He (or she!) will park as close to the line as possible without actually touching it in order to very nearly claim two spots.
This driver feels no shame at being a jerk and taking two spaces when one would do perfectly well. Still, we sometimes give them the benefit of the doubt, saying to ourselves, maybe he (or she!) is just sloppy or was in a hurry. Still, at the end of the day, we know the truth: he (or she!) is just a classic a-hole.
Who’s Your Pap?
There is no denying that drivers who do this have one message they want to communicate to the world: “Who’s your daddy? Me.” The only thing that’s slightly admirable about these drivers is their ability to perfectly straddle the line between two spots, creating a sort of pleasing symmetry.
This driver is closely related to the one above but likes to add a little zest by parking at an angle and not even pulling in all the way, as if to say, “this car, which incidentally is the cheapest of the three I own, is nevertheless more expensive than anything you’ll ever possess in your entire life, including the Bored Ape NFT you bought and your home.” Maybe that’s true, but it’s still not nice to point it out.
This driver is literally the worst: as self-centered as a black hole and oblivious to the existence of other humans. If cars had been around when Dante was alive, he would have placed these drivers near the bottom of his inferno, right next to those who play loud music in public transport and pet owners who give their animals titles like Duchess of Flufferton and Baron von Whiskerly.
And yet, despite their close resemblance to the remorseless Anton Chigurh in “No Country for Old Men” and the nefarious Amy Dunne in “Gone Girl,” we have to admire these people. Their pure disregard for other drivers is matched by ingenuity and bravado. Six spots with one car? Well done.
Originally published by RTL Today