An exchange in English with a Luxembourgish plum jam vendor ended with an expat delving into a pedagogic interior monologue about present tenses in English.
The imaginary lesson was delivered after the expat accepted a sample from the vendor at a shopping center.
After a brief exchange in English, the vendor said, “You have lived in Luxembourg a long time?”
“Well, yes,” the expat replied, saying that he had lived in the country for “around eight years” although it has been closer to 11.
“And you are not speaking Luxembourgish?” said the vendor in a light, teasing sort of way which the expat felt masked stern judgment.
“Yeah, no, yes, I know,” he replied. “I want to learn. I’m going to learn.”
“I’ve been busy getting treatment for a painful disease of the nostril,” he lied.
“And I run a shelter for abandoned Guinea pigs,” he continued to lie.
Seeing that the vendor was not convinced, he added another untruth.
“In all honesty, I’ve just registered for a Luxembourgish course this morning.”
He then thanked the vendor for the sample, resumed his food shopping, and in his mind replayed the conversation, focusing on the vendor’s words, “You are not speaking Luxembourgish?”
“Madame, that’s should be, ‘and you don’t speak Luxembourgish.’” the expat said to himself in his head, the movement of his lips only visible to the most observant of shoppers.
“Honestly, it’s basic English grammar,” he continued in his head. “Present continuous is meant for, like, things I’m doing right now, and present simple for, well, I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Hmpf,” he added out loud.
