In what’s being called a good deal for everyone involved, a new law states that anyone applying for citizenship may be exempted from taking the Luxembourgish language exam – known as the Sproochentest – if they can make their grumpy neighbor smile.
“Everyone has at least one neighbor who walks around with a scowl on his face, hissing at squirrels and grumbling insults at the sky,” said government spokesperson Sonia Fronz. “Applicants who succeed in this challenge will prove their worth to the country by having boosted the net public cheerfulness index.”
The Sproochentest consists of listening comprehension and oral assessments. While some say passing the exam is fairly easy, others say it is not. Others still say the difficulty level is so-so – somewhere between easy and difficult.
For many of those who desire to obtain Luxembourgish nationality but are worried about passing the exam, the path to an exemption comes as a great relief.
“I have a grumpy neighbor,” said Tina Naveen. “I’m going to paint a face on my stomach so that when I sing and jiggle my belly, it’ll appear that the song is coming from my little belly-button mouth.”
Silvio Almeron, whose neighbor seems to hate him for reasons he suspects may be due to the time three years ago when he barbecued sardines on his balcony, says he’s going to go for a more classic style of humor.
“When I see my grumpy neighbor outside, I’m going to get her attention, drop a banana peel, and slide down the street on it while I comically shout, ‘whoa-whoa-whoa!’” he said.
Another citizenship hopeful says she has registered in an online course in miming knock-knock jokes as she does not know where her grumpy neighbor comes from, let alone which language he speaks.
“Knock-knock,” she mimed, verbally adding: “Hmm. This may not work after all.”
The Union of Unfriendly Neighbors has issued a statement saying that its members will refuse to comply with the initiative, insisting they have a right to never smile, say hello, or show any hint of warmth.
“Do you have any idea how annoying everything is?” said one devoutly grumpy neighbor from Junglinster whose last smile came in 2010 when the family with the four hyperactive kids up the street moved away. “All these new people moving here, not putting away their bins in a timely manner, and basically just being all – new.”
“They can try to make me smile,” he said. “But it will never happen, even if I have to resort to botoxing myself or freezing the lower half of my face.”
