SANDWEILER — A neighbor who never says hello and refuses every attempt to make conversation is actually a statue, it has been revealed.
The man, a stone figure who appears to be in his late 40s, has not said a word to anyone in the neighborhood, particularly expats, for as long as they can remember.
“I used to smile at him and say hello, although I knew he’d never smile back,” said Andreas Blesi, who lives next door. “Now I understand that he is physically incapable of smiling because his face is made of granite and it can only change shape if heated to a temperature of 1250 degrees.”
Carlene O’Rourke, who moved into a house down the street in 2014, often passes the man when she walks her dog.
“When I was new here, I really made an effort to get to know everyone, because that’s the neighborly thing to do,” she said. “I even made carrot cupcakes and brought them around to all the houses, except his, because he refused to even acknowledge me when I approached him”
“His total lack of warmth and politeness destroyed my sense of self-worth and caused me to loathe this neighborhood, this village, this country, and all of Europe,” she continued. “I wish I had known earlier that he was not actually a sentient human being, but just an inanimate 224-kilo slab of solid rock.”
“If so, I might not have needed all those sessions with a therapist,” she added.
When the Wurst reached out to the man for commentary, he denied being made of stone, and instead complained about all the new people in the neighborhood who have not once spoken to him in his own language and who fail to take proper care of their yards.