When I was growing up in Luxembourg, the only time I ever saw Halloween was when it was depicted in imbecilic Hollywood films. Today, however, no matter which shop you go to, you see entire rows of products devoted to this so-called holiday. We must take a stand and reject this vapid American cultural import because it was born of consumerism and hype, and also because I’m afraid of spooky things.
Let us consider the pumpkin, the ubiquitous symbol of Halloween. These bulbous vegetables are not even native to Europe. They are ugly and mostly hollow, just like the holiday itself. Also, they frighten me, especially when people carve demonic, smiling faces into them.
And why should we dress up for Halloween? We have our own costuming tradition for carnival, when children and adults alike disguise themselves as clowns, cows, and occasionally turnips. These are fun and logical. Halloween costumes are not. Zombies, ghosts, and vampires are not real, and therefore they are nonsensical. Moreover, they scare the crap out of me.
Another problem I have with the holiday is its emphasis on mass-produced candies that are full of sugar and low-quality cocoa. One Halloween, my workmate offered me a chocolate to mark the occasion. Because I don’t want to gain weight or get a cavity, I declined. Also, it was shaped like a skull. I had nightmares for weeks.
And let’s not ignore the most conspicuous aspect of Halloween: cheap decorations, most of which are likely made by exploited factory workers in Asia. One year, a certain neighbor of mine, a sellout who prefers foreign silliness to our own sacred traditions, decorated her garden with a skeleton, a giant bat, and an enormous spider. It was so tasteless. And spine-chilling. I still avoid that part of the street.
Worst of all are Halloween parties for adults, which are nothing but an excuse to get drunk and listen to stupid music with English lyrics. Also, you can never tell who is wearing a cheap witch costume they bought at HEMA – and who really is a 500-year-old sorceress who will turn you into a black cat if you accidentally spill her beer.
So let’s reject this trashy so-called holiday that has been forced upon us – and that haunts our dreams. We need sleep.
Remy Kuggelding is a teacher from Wasserbillig.
