Estate agents, potential employers, insurance companies, service providers, even drug dealers: these are just some of the professionals in Luxembourg who simply cannot be bothered to respond to your f***ing emails.
Why is this attitude so prevalent? We interviewed a manager from deep within the corporate world to find out.
So, what do you think about emails?
They’re okay. Practical for communicating with colleagues and sharing reports, memos, and stuff like that. But I can’t stand it when someone from outside my company sends me one.
What if a jobseeker emails you a CV and a cover letter. Do you respond?
Maybe, but only if it’s a great profile and the person has cool hobbies like skyscraper climbing or bear wrestling. It depends on my mood. I usually just mock the person’s face or name and send the email to the bin.
But what if it’s a really nice email, personalized to you and tailored to your company?
“A really nice email,” huh? Doesn’t exist. By its nature, an email is a violation, an intrusion into your most sacred and private space, your inbox.
What if someone contacts you to get information about your company or the services you provide?
We paid all that money to a graphic designer, content writer, and webmaster to get our website up and running, and some Josy Schmosy wants me to tell him what he can read for himself? No thanks. I will not promote laziness.
Okay, what if it’s the other way around, and someone contacts you with an offer to provide a service or product — cleaning, consulting, software, whatever. What do you do then?
After I’ve marked the email as spam, deleted it, and blocked the sender? I don’t know. I have a coffee, I guess.
I see. What if the email is from an existing client?
That’s tricky. I usually forward the email to someone else in my company, and she forwards it to someone else, and so on. The same email might get back to me after a week. It’s great fun. Occasionally, someone along the chain will take pity on the poor bastard who sent the email and tell him to f*** off.
And if the client is now angry about being treated badly and sends a complaint email?
Yeah, I’ve got plenty of those over the years, but what’s the point of responding? I mean, the damage has already been done, right? We don’t want to prolong the bad feelings, do we? Water under the bridge. Let’s move on.
Of course, yes. Moving on….
No, that’s my philosophy. Move on, mate. Look to the future. We might not have responded yesterday, and we might not respond today, but you’ve got to keep your hope alive. Tomorrow we could hire some optimistic idiot, straight out of university, who’ll click the reply button and give you the attention you want, you spoiled, whiny man-child.
Are there any cases in which you or your colleagues would respond to an unsolicited external email?
I suppose, if it were from a famous person. Margot Robbie comes to mind. Or the Crocodile Hunter. I’ll bet he’s got stories to tell. But he’s passed away, hasn’t he?