WALFERDANGE – A local woman has confirmed that despite having otherwise vanilla sexual fantasies, she can only reach orgasm by thinking about the sales rack at a German discount supermarket.
“My kinky dreams are quite commonplace,” said Audrey Tindler. “A postman asking if he can step inside until the scary chihuahua stops chasing him. A butcher offering private lessons on the best cuts of meat. The aging but handsome neighbor requiring me to use a defibrillator on him.”
Tindler says that although her partners have usually been game to act out her fantasies, no matter what, she cannot climax unless she imagines a very specific scenario.
“It can be Aldi, Lidl, or Netto, the last of which I’ve only visited once during a business trip to Stuttgart, but the erotic feelings have lingered,” she said. “Still, the fantasy sequence has to follow a specific order for me to get to that lovely high place.”
She says that she has to imagine that she’s in a hurry and has just stopped in to pick up some dried cranberries or toilet paper, but the sales rack catches her eye, so she heads over and tells herself she will only take a quick look.
“But then I see – oh my – my favorite conditioner, three bottles for only five euros, and then – oh god – a funny seasonal sweater that I can wear to next year’s Christmas party, for only two-fifty, and then – yes, yes, that’s it – Milka bars, buy one, get two free.”
“Yes, oh, yes, yes, yeah, no, yes!” she shouted. “The impossibly great deals never end!”
Experts say that although such requisite scenarios may seem uncommon, finding amazing offers at German discount supermarkets is the most common sexual fantasy in Luxembourg, followed closely by witnessing the roadworks on your street being finished and getting a freshly made baguette at the bakery even though it is ten minutes before closing time and the employee looks pissed off.
