An architect from Sandweiler has announced she’s quitting her job so she can spend more time complimenting her female social media contacts when they update their profile photos.
Leila Oddone says that because she has around 750 friends on Facebook as well as countless others on LinkedIn and other networks, she’s confronted with up to 100 profile photo updates every day.
“There’s an unspoken yet sacred obligation among women that whenever one updates her photo, every woman in her network must lavish her with praise,” Oddone said.
Today’s female friends expect more than a simple like or a throwaway compliment like “beautiful,” Oddone claims. They want fresh, personalized words of praise.
“Once upon a time, words like ‘you look great,’ ‘such a natural beauty,’ and ‘sexy bitch’ were sufficient,” says Oddone. “But not anymore.”
After her friend Isabelle updated her profile photo last week, Oddone commented that her friend’s eyes were so pretty that she wanted to steal them, apply a protective plant-based lacquer, and send them via FedEx to the Smithsonian in Washington D.C. to be displayed alongside the Hope Diamond.
“But apparently I’d said the exact same thing to my friend Yulia in March,” Oddone said. “Isabelle found out and unfriended me.”
Mathematicians estimate that although there are still 3,138,483,394 never-before-uttered ways to tell a woman who has updated her profile photo that she’s pretty, based on the current rate of profile-photo updates, the number will drop to zero in the next five years.