With the weather turning to crap and the summer fading into a hazy memory, depression season in Luxembourg is here. What are some fun ways to celebrate the arrival of these dark months?
Serve depression-themed cocktails
There’s no better way to kick off depression season than with a strong drink, because we know that’s your preferred method of coping with the gradual loss of light anyway. But why stick to boring vodka martinis and whiskey-based cocktails?
Ever wondered what that cheap rum your neighbor forgot at your place, tomato juice, and expired soy sauce might taste like? Neither have we, but it sounds awful and would perfectly match your growing sense of isolation and doom. Give it a catchy name like Miseropolitan or Desolation in Dudelange and serve it in a dirty old plastic cup.
There’s a reason why people wear black to express sorrow — because there’s no better way to say, “Hey everyone, my serotonin levels are dropping faster than my hopes for ever buying a home in Luxembourg.” Best of all, the more black you wear, the more people will think you’re some kind of villain or witch, and they’ll leave you alone so you can focus on what’s important: wallowing in your seasonally activated melancholy.
Pretend you’re Count Dracula
No other character in modern history has embraced depression with as much gusto and class as this cool vampire who literally turned hiding from sunlight into the stuff of legends. Plus, how much fun would it be to call your boss and say, “Sorry, I can’t work this week because if I go outside, my skin will catch fire.”
Wait, hide from sunlight, are we crazy? (Answer: well, yes.) Sure, your instincts might tell you to soak up every last ray of sunshine in a desperate bid to boost your vitamin D to give you just enough pep to survive till April, but all this does is give you false hope. You know that by Christmas you’ll be neck-deep in the odorless grey swamp of hopelessness, right?
Write bizarre limericks about depression and post them on social media
Depression is depressing, sure, but it can also be a source of amusement. Why not compose some weird, sad limericks, one of the simplest poetic forms, about your experiences and post them on your social media accounts to make your friends and family scratch their heads and emit a guilty half-laugh? Here’s a sample:
There was a young lady from Kayl,
Whose mood had turned rather stale.
She went to a shrink,
Who said here’s what I think:
Instead of talking about silly rhymes, let’s talk about getting you on some meds, possibly a good SSRI
Binge eat in public
One of the most classic ways of dealing with a winter forest of dead emotions is by hiding and consuming large amounts of food, the more salt, sugar, and fat, the better. Many people find this is a fairly inexpensive and enjoyable way to deal with seasonal depression. The problem? You’re wasting the spectacle of it all!
Take your donuts, chips, and ice-cream, and set yourself in a public space like Place d’Armes and stuff yourself. Who knows how many other depressives you’ll attract, and before long there might be enough of you to turn the annual binge-eating into an actual festival to mark depression season. (Although, some would argue that’s the point of the Schueberfouer.) And even if the sight of you with crumbs on your shirt and chocolate smeared on your face arouses the disgust of passersby, at least they’ll be feeling something — which is more than you can say for yourself.