Admitting that the paper face masks sent to all residents of the Grand Duchy might not last long, Prime Minister Xavier Bettel announced that he’s going to donate 200,001 scarves from his personal collection for residents to cover their mouths and noses.
“Oosh voosh oon moosh loosh,” he said at a press conference on Wednesday, the demonstration scarf he’d wrapped around his face muffling his words beyond the point of comprehensibility. “Moosh loosh voosh oosh.”
“Mr. Bettel has a rather extensive collection of scarves, as he’s known to wear a different one in the morning, afternoon, and evening,” a spokesperson later explained. “And he never wears the same scarf twice.”
“He’s got scarves for briefings with ministers, scarves for appearances at the Schueberfouer, and scarves for visits to heads of state,” he continued. “Scarves for the sun, scarves for the wind, and scarves for that most Luxembourgish of meteorological conditions: snow-rain.”
“Scarves for thinking, scarves for singing, scarves for doodling, and scarves for doing all three at the same time,” he added. “Fitness scarves, relaxation scarves, and a scarf for walking from his kitchen to the living room.”
“And a different scarf for the trip back.”
According to various sources, the scarves are held in a special military installation near Diekirch, the same one that was said to house former Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker’s collection of brandy snifters.
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Originally published by RTL Today on April 23, 2020