The organization that represents cannibals in the Grand Duchy is speaking out against the government, claiming that it’s “dangerous and irresponsible” to continue allowing gatherings of two or three people.
“As we all learned in science class, all you need for virus transmission to occur are two individuals,” said Luxembourg Union of Cannibals president Jean Iessenleit on Tuesday. “And when you have three people together, that’s just reckless.”
“Which is why we are calling for stricter measures to be implemented,” he continued. “However, we recognize that total isolation is not healthy, even if many of our members are by their nature loners, recluses, and sociopaths.”
“We believe a good compromise is to encourage very small and intimate gatherings,” he added, frothing at the mouth. “Such gatherings should be limited to 1.5 people.”
Iessenleit admits that it’s not clear how such measures would precisely work, but he insisted that his organisation’s 129 members are “innovative, resourceful, and hungry” and they’ll certainly come up with “some clever solutions and tasty recipes.”