A wolf that was sniffing around Luxembourg for a new den has announced that due to the high prices here, he and his pack have decided to live over the border in Belgium. “It would’ve been nice to live in Luxembourg,” the wolf said through his interpreter, a 26-year-old unshaved Belgian wolf whisperer named Loup. […]
Belgium asks Luxembourg to take Wallonia for a few years
BRUSSELS — Saying that its entire southern region is unmotivated and has no idea what it wants to do in life, a flustered Belgium has asked its ex-spouse Luxembourg to take care of Wallonia for a few years. “It’s true, we wanted to have Wallonia live with us after the [19th century] separation, but we […]
Grand Duke fights Belgian king to retain Luxembourg
MARTELANGE — Citing a recently discovered proclamation from 1374 that confers all of Luxembourg to the Count of Flanders, Grand Duke Henri was obliged to engage in a sword battle on Tuesday to retain his dominion, according to royal observers. While most residents of the Grand Duchy went to work or school, His Royal Highness […]
Man rescued after being lost in IKEA for 12 days
ARLON, Belgium — A disoriented shopper was rescued on Thursday after being lost for nearly two weeks in an IKEA store near the Luxembourg border. Late last month, Michael Parrish, 33, entered the premises for a “quick stop” to purchase an inexpensive lamp for his infant son’s bedroom and 100 lime-green napkins requested by his […]