Despite months of concerted effort from European and national agencies, the practice known as fist bumping will likely become a permanent fixture of the social fabric in Europe, the EU has warned. “Once upon a time, fist bumps were a relatively niche greeting practiced by urban youth, people with missing thumbs, and anyone suffering from […]
Western porn star pulls out of Russian
Saying that he cannot wait any longer, European adult film star Rocco Wilder has announced that effective immediately, he is going to pull out of his Russian co-star. “Is that okay with you?” he said to director Frank D’Amore. “Me and Valeriya, we’ve been going at it for 22 minutes straight.” After getting approval, Wilder […]
Oh, no: NATO meant to send Putin a warning letter but accidentally gave him this adorable photo of kitten
In what is being compared to General Eisenhower trying to send Hitler a note that said “surrender now” but instead giving him a fantastic recipe for rhubarb pie, NATO has accidentally mailed Russian president Vladimir Putin a photo of a kitten. NATO spokesperson Bernard Easibrot said that the organization had intended on posting Putin a […]
Police to deploy Kachkéis cannons against protestors
Saying extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, Luxembourg police have announced they are going to set up a line of kachkéis cannons as a defensive measure in Friday’s announced protest by Polish miners. “Kachkéis is a known deterrent against foreign aggressors,” said police spokesperson Marco Trausch. “Which is why every Luxembourger has at least one […]
‘Revenge is sweet,’’ say Euro 2020 sponsors
Following a snub in which high-profile Euro 2020 players moved strategically placed sponsored products during a press conference, the aggrieved companies have announced they are plotting revenge. “Cute stunt Ronaldo, but we’ve got you and your little sports league right by the contract,” said Coca-Cola spokesperson Jacqueline Brand. “If you don’t want to face serious […]
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