Saying extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, Luxembourg police have announced they are going to set up a line of kachkéis cannons as a defensive measure in Friday’s announced protest by Polish miners. “Kachkéis is a known deterrent against foreign aggressors,” said police spokesperson Marco Trausch. “Which is why every Luxembourger has at least one […]
‘Revenge is sweet,’’ say Euro 2020 sponsors
Following a snub in which high-profile Euro 2020 players moved strategically placed sponsored products during a press conference, the aggrieved companies have announced they are plotting revenge. “Cute stunt Ronaldo, but we’ve got you and your little sports league right by the contract,” said Coca-Cola spokesperson Jacqueline Brand. “If you don’t want to face serious […]
Top football clubs to form Awesome League instead
Agreeing that the idea of a Super League was terrible from the outset, the 12 football clubs involved in the plan have announced they will instead form an Awesome League. “When we first told you about our intention, the backlash was fierce and instantaneous,” said Real Madrid president Florentino Pérez. “We admit our terrible mistake, […]
Commission president gives AstraZeneca 1-star review on Amazon
Insisting that a powerful trading bloc such as the EU deserves to be treated much better, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen has given AstraZeneca a one-star review on Amazon. “We ordered 300 million doses of this company’s COVID vaccine with the understanding we would have a certain number by now,” she wrote in […]
British variants in Luxembourg already seeking nationality
Several individual variants of the so-called UK coronavirus strain that have been identified in Luxembourg in recent days have already taken steps to obtain Luxembourgish nationality, according to the viruses themselves. All of the mutated viruses have already signed up for online Luxembourgish courses, and they’ve also begun seeking advice and tips in expat forums. […]
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