Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Lazy shopkeeper only now putting out Christmas stuff

A woman who runs a gift shop in the centre of Luxembourg City has admitted to “extreme laziness” and “insensitivity to customers who love holiday-themed junk” as the reason why she’s only now putting out her annual Christmas display.  Sources indicate that the shopkeeper only started lighting Christmas-scented candles in the beginning of November, and […]

Luxembourg pavilion to remain unfinished to better reflect country

DUBAI — Planners behind the Luxembourg pavilion at the Dubai 2020 World Expo have decided to leave the site “under perpetual construction” to give visitors a more accurate vision of life in the Grand Duchy.   “We originally planned to complete a beautiful, modern three-story edifice in the shape of a Möbius strip, with a light […]

6 Luxembourgish place names that sound like sex acts*

Péiteng If you and your partner engage in this, make sure to bring a raincoat and an umbrella. Dikrech  While this might sound like kinky fun, it usually results in an emergency visit to the urologist. Suessem Usually requires at least one participant to make noises suggestive of a vacuum cleaner. Rëmeleng Highly inadvisable, especially […]

Man crawls across Luxembourg City to raise awareness for dangers of after-work drinks

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Repeatedly saying “ugh” and cursing at everyone who offered to help him, a man has crawled all the way through the capital as part of a one-man campaign to raise awareness for the dangers of after-work drinks.  “Two-for-one cocktails, oh, uh, not my fault, barman made ‘em strong, too strong,” said Bereldange resident […]

‘Close all 12 streets that remain open,’ orders VDL official with maniacal laughter

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At a press conference on Wednesday to address the traffic crisis, the official who oversees transportation and roadworks in the city suddenly grew annoyed with criticism and, in a moment of madness, ordered the remaining 12 open streets to be closed.  The official, going by the alias “Minister X,” at first attempted to […]