Thousands of people in Luxembourg looked out the window this morning, saw the clear skies, and decided it was ideal weather to go outside and spread the coronavirus a little. “It would be a shame to spend the beautiful day inside, keeping our germs to ourselves,” said father Alarvo Encants, a resident of Luxembourg City. […]
US to give 26 billion hours of attention to starving celebrities
WASHINGTON — Calling the damage to the social hierarchy caused the the coronavirus lockdown a “crisis we can no longer ignore,” the U.S. agency in charge of disaster relief has announced it will be allocating 26 billion hours of emergency attention to starving American celebrities. “These people, members of our most fragile and neediest population, […]
Toilet paper roll sells for €577,000
A roll of toilet paper, which is being called “the last of its kind,” has been sold in London for more than half of a million euros. The sale was made at Christie’s auction house on Wednesday, where the bidding started at fifty cents and quickly shot up. It’s not clear if the anonymous buyer […]
Luxembourg man finishes the internet
BISSEN — A man who has self-quarantined since the middle of the month has finished the internet, according to multiple sources. “Every article, blog post, video, social media update, and meme,” said Nicolas Quinn, 29, after switching off his tablet after a marathon 22-hour session. “I’m done. I’ve consumed them all.” “There’s nothing you can […]
Our partners’ 6 most annoying habits (coronavirus edition)
When we agree to move in with a romantic partner, we’re often unaware of their annoying habits, habits that are now painfully obvious – like a stick stuck in our eyes and ears. Here are the six most common. Cleaning but not the way we like it Now that they’re at home 24 hours a […]
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