LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Denying all claims that he has a crush on the reigning monarch, a newsagent in the city center nevertheless has shown an unusual fondness for displaying in his shop portraits of Grand Duke Henri.
“I only put them there for my customers, many of whom are Luxembourgish and like that sort of respectful gesture,” he said. “They feel proud and enlivened being met by His Royal Highness’s steely gaze, impeccable dress, and perfectly coiffured blond hair that makes one yearn to slowly rub a hand through it.”
“Not that I ever think about those things,” he continued. “To me he’s just a regular guy who burps after he eats, picks his nose when no one is looking, and has a powerful baritone voice that could tame even the wildest beasts of the Mullerthal.”
“One time, I had a dream that he approached me on a windswept beach wearing only a sleeveless t-shirt and boxer shorts emblazoned with the royal coat of arms,” he added. “Just one of those silly things that your mind comes up with, really, and means nothing.”
“Still, I wanted His Royal Highness to confirm that he didn’t have a similar dream about me, yet he never responded to my letters, which makes sense as he’s busy being so perfect and robust and all.”