Saying they have exhausted their coverage of all possible topics from Luxembourg, the Greater Region, Europe, and the rest of the world, a local newspaper has announced it will now turn its attention – and yours – to a minor celebrity story from the US.
“That actress from California, you know the one, she was in that sci-fi movie about all those teenagers who have to fight each other, well anyway, she’s been out of the public eye for a few years, but now she’s back,” according to the story. “Oh, you don’t recognize her name? Here’s a photo of her standing on a red carpet in 2015. Here’s a photo of her today. Remember? Not really? Stick with us.”
The story went on to say that something very interesting has happened to her, and that you should know about it.
“She’s having a kid, or she’s releasing her own line of air freshener, or maybe she’s opening up for the first time about the digestive problems that plagued her on the movie set ten years ago,” the story continued. “Even though you are here in Luxembourg, 9214 kilometers from where this thing happened, and you actually didn’t know who she was until a moment ago, we just thought you would like to know.”
“And now you do,” it concluded. “As you were.”