Aware that the skyrocketing cost of property has caused many people in Luxembourg to reconsider staying in the country, officials have announced they will now allow low- and medium-income residents to live in underground caves.
“This will allow people to continue benefiting from Luxembourg residency while avoiding what they see as extortionate housing prices,” says Pol Harmonie of the Ministry for Creative Solutions.
While the plan may seem like an easy fix for those who don’t mind having mud, tree roots, and earthworms in their living rooms, several conditions must be met.
Caves must be located at least three meters below the ground so that surface dwellers don’t have to see, hear, or even think about the cave dwellers, says Harmonie.
“Importantly, prospective cave dwellers will not be able to use machinery to dig their caves, and we’ll encourage them to dig with their own hands and smear mud on their faces.”
“If you want to take advantage of this plan, you’ve got to look the part,” he added.
Another condition is that cave dwellers will need to self-identify as troglodytes, and regardless of their actual occupation, nationality, or gender, they’ll need to tick a “I’m just a troglodyte, baby,” box on all official forms and surveys.
Harmonie says that in order for the plan to succeed, people who are willing to spend 1.75 million euros for a crappy house must be made to feel superior to cave dwellers who’ll get their home for nothing more than sweat and labor.
“By law, troglodytes will be required to refer to homeowners as ‘my lord’ or ‘my lady’ and make every effort to stay out of their way,” he said. “In public, troglodytes will have let homeowners cut in line at the boulangerie or supermarket.”
Harmonie says troglodytes should also find other creative ways to show their low caste, such as wear clothes that don’t fit, garble their speech so they sound like cavemen, and eat with their forks in their right hands.