The Luxembourg Wurst is being sued by the German sausage (“Wurst”) industry to the tune of €50 billion on the grounds that it has damaged the reputation of the German Wurst across Europe and the world.
“The German Wurst is special, protected by UNESCO, the source of pride for 72 million normal Germans who aren’t vegetarians, and adored by lovers of grilled meat around the world,” says the suit. “This Luxembourger Wurst blog thing has piggybacked on the power of the German Wurst, but instead of giving it praise, it only gives ridicule.”
The German sausage industry claims that it has lost all respect in the eyes of consumers and that sales have taken a nosedive.
“It doesn’t even make sense,” the suit continues. “You are from Luxembourg, so you should call yourself Wurscht, Werscht, or Worscht – or whatever those wealthy farmers-turned-bankers speaking in their Franconian dialect call their inferior meat-filled casings,” says the suit.
“You cannot be the Wurst when Germany is the Wurst. We are the Wurst. You may not mock the Wurst. You may not tease the Wurst. You may only adore the Wurst.”
If the suit is successful, the Luxembourg Wurst will relocate to Warsaw and rebrand as the Borscht, says its creator.