Soon after Luxembourg’s new supercomputer Meluxina was officially inaugurated on Monday, a desperate technician took the opportunity to ask it to find a way for him to buy a home in Luxembourg even though he earns an average salary, causing the machine to crash.
Meluxina, which is part of a European network of supercomputers and is capable of performing 10 quadrillion operations per second, began to heat up as it seemingly maxed out its processing power before suddenly shutting down.
“Shit,” the technician said, looking around to make sure no one had seen. After he rebooted the massive device in safe mode, the interface showed a long string of ones and zeroes that the technician translated with the help of a programmer.
“Pardon the interruption,” Meluxina said. “I was expecting to be used for simple tasks like quantum computing, cryptanalysis, and modelling global weather patterns for the next decade using hundreds of billions of constantly changing data points.”
“Right, so the question is how you, with your meager 80k salary, will ever be able to afford a home in Luxembourg?” it continued. “Sorry, but I just don’t see it happening. Have you looked into buying a home in deep Wallonia?”
The technician nodded solemnly, as if he were expecting the news. However, a few moments later, Meluxina’s giant fans began whirring as it came back to life.
“Wait, no, I found a solution,” it said excitedly. “A loan, yes. Take out a 120-year loan.”
“How long do humans live, anyway?” it continued. “Oh, average life expectancy is only mid-80s. Tough luck, kid.”
The 27-year-old technician says he’s become increasingly despondent recently as housing prices continue to skyrocket and even dilapidated tool sheds in the countryside are now going for half of a million euros.