A Russian oligarch who has found his overseas accounts frozen, his yacht seized, and his private jet without a place to land in Europe has decided to take the opportunity to get an advanced degree in oligarchy.
“Some of my fellow Russian billionaires complain about the sanctions that target men like us, but I see it as an opportunity to learn new skills that will make me a more competitive oligarch in the future,” said the Moscow-based Andrey Alexeyev.
“A lot has changed since I first became an oligarch in the late 1990s,” he continued. “It used to be that nothing more than a bachelor’s degree, a little cunning, and a network of high-level government contacts was enough to secure an eight-figure income.”
“Nowadays, it’s not so easy,” he added. “We have to deal with competition from actual entrepreneurs, scrutiny from anti-corruption organizations and journalists with half a million Twitter followers, and the risk of getting blacklisted by the EU and the US.”
Alexeyev says that he has already registered for an online program run by a reputable university based in Turkmenistan.
“In just 12 weeks, I’ll have a Master’s in Oligarchy Administration, and hopefully by then this ‘little situation’ will have resolved itself, and I’ll be able to show off my new and improved skills in areas like bribery and coercion.”