While it’s easy to criticize the Luxembourg government for the snail-like vaccine rollout, it’s clear that neither Prime Minister Xavier Bettel nor Minister of Health Paulette Lenert are fully responsible. Governments across the EU are grappling with similar shortages.
There is simply not enough supply to go around, and we’re now witnessing a massive blame game. Residents blame national leaders. National leaders, in private at least, blame the Commission. The Commission blames vaccine manufacturers. AstraZeneca and Pfizer in turn blame technical problems and cite vague contract language.
In short, the Luxembourg government has its hands tied, and it now seems plausible that we won’t achieve herd immunity for quite some time. There’s nothing for us to do but wait, watch our favorite restaurants disappear, and dream about the day it’s legal to meet with friends to play a board game – unless the government is willing to procure the vaccine by other means.
We believe it’s time to bring in the professionals. It’s time to recruit drug dealers. These brave young entrepreneurs, many of whom can be found hanging out on street corners near the Gare, have what it takes to get a scarce product and quickly deliver it to customers.
They’re not afraid of breaking laws or breaching etiquette by jumping the queue – or fences for that matter. They don’t care about diplomacy. They’re experts in procurement, distribution, and most important for a job like this, discretion.
As we write this, hundreds of thousands of vaccine doses are being produced every day, just a few hours away. It’s obvious that for the right price, the best and brightest of the Grand Duchy’s independent street pharmacists could get a truckload or two sent our way.
Considering the hundreds of millions or even billions of euros spent on the new national library, the sports stadium, and the tram, one would hope the government could spare a few million to get the country vaccinated, opened up, and back on its feet.
Mr. Bettel and Madam Lenert won’t even have to get out of their cars. These guys come to you. That’s how customer-focused they are. Nor will Mr. Bettel and Madam Lenert need to tell anyone how they managed to get all those vaccine doses in the middle of the night.
We won’t ask questions. Just get the goods and we’ll all keep quiet. We promise.
This piece doesn’t necessarily reflect the opinion of the Luxembourg Wurst, although maybe it does