Saying the time to prove themselves is now, a Luxembourg man has gathered all of his scarves for a rousing speech before going into the battle that is the chilly post-Schueberfouer weather.
The talk was given on Wednesday morning in the man’s bedroom while outside winds pelted the land with cold rain.
“Boys, you have lain dormant in my wardrobe enjoying some well-deserved R and R,” he said. “It’s time for you to wake up, shake off the dust, and show me what fabric you’re made of.”
“For many months, my neck has been unadorned,” he continued. “Which was fine because it’s been warm, and anyway, I went on a snorkeling vacation in Mexico.”
“Salt water and knitted scarves don’t mix,” he added. “But I now need you to do your duty.”
He then invoked the noble history of scarves, reminding his own scarves how scarves have served important people, from ancient Egyptian rulers all the way to Parisian café philosophers in the 1950s.
“Gentlemen, I need you to be comfortable, functional, and fashionable,” he said, the volume of his voice rising.
“I will wear you while waiting for the tram,” he continued. “I will wear you while standing in line at the boulangerie waiting to order one of those pastries with the yellow cream whose name I can never remember.”
“I’ll even wear you while writing emails at my desk or having lunch with my colleagues, who, incidentally, will also be wearing their own brave scarves.”
He then walked around his bed inspecting each scarf, examining it for stray threads and stains. When satisfied, he saluted them.
“Alright, are we ready, lads?” he said, adopting an English accent although he is not English.
According to sources, the scarves last saw action in early June during a rainy although not particularly chilly day when the man felt a stranger at a bus stop staring at his neck, and he suddenly felt very naked and vulnerable.
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Originally published by RTL Today
