A coalition of the Grand Duchy’s top drinkers have chosen September as the country’s new National Drinking Month.
Home to several national beer brands, delicious, locally produced wine, cider, and crémant, and the lowest taxes on alcoholic beverages in Europe, Luxembourg is the perfect place to drink — and this month is the perfect time to do it, say the founders of National Drinking Month, which includes prominent sippers, connaisseurs, guzzlers, party people, and boozehounds.
Why was September chosen as Luxembourg’s National Drinking Month? Coalition leader and veteran drinker Laurent Thill says it’s because of the month’s ever-growing list of occasions to pop open a bottle.
These include:
Chilling out after a return from several weeks of non-stop travelling and sightseeing
Catching up with friends after the summer holidays
Relaxing before you catch up with friends, because you’ve got some kind of social anxiety disorder and you don’t want to act all weird when you see them for the first time after two months
Diluting your shame because even though it was only 1pm, you showed up to their place drunk
Enjoying the Schueberfouer
Coping with the loss of all that money spent at the Schueberfouer
Dealing with stress before the kids go back to school
Alleviating worry on the first day of school
Celebrating when you realize that the kids are fine and will be in school for the next 10 months
Dealing with guilt that you were celebrating because your kids aren’t around during the day now
Celebrating again when you realize that it’s okay; it’s normal for parents to get stressed out and look forward to a time when their kids are away most of the day
No, no. Dealing with guilt again
Mourning the end of summer
Celebrating the arrival of autumn
Welcoming mushroom-hunting season
Treating your pain after you’ve consumed bad mushrooms and have got awful stomach cramps
Passing the time while you wait in the emergency room
Feeding your anger because you knew those mushrooms looked bad, but your friends still threw them in the mix, and now they’re at home just fine and you’re in the hospital, hooked up to all these machines
Celebrating your release from the hospital a week later
Forgiving your friends when, to apologize, they show up one night with a bunch of beer and a bottle of strong alcohol
Matching your friends shot for shot, just to prove to them that a little “toxic mushroom ingestion” and a loss of 10 kilograms won’t keep you down
Reaching for a bottle of water in the morning as you lie in bed and curse the day you had your first drink, but accidentally taking a swig off the same bottle of alcohol that put you in this mess
Experimenting three hours later with the advice that “the hair of the dog that bit you” is the best cure for a hangover
Marking your newfound understanding that “no, it isn’t” with a toast and a drink
