Luxembourg joggers have issued a reminder that if they approach you on the sidewalk and you don’t get out of their way, they’re going to breathe in your face, but only for a moment, and in any case you shouldn’t be alarmed.
“I’m a fitness addict who hasn’t had a cold in six years, so there’s no way I’m carrying the virus,” explained Natasha, a 29-year-old jogger from Cents. “If you’re afraid of the clean exhalations of healthy strangers, you’ve got a phobia. I know a good therapist. I’ll give you his number.”
Matteo, a 33-year-old jogger from Bereldange, says it’s physically impossible for him to transmit germs to anyone he passes.
“I run so fast that I create an updraft of air that carries any virus particles I might breathe out into the lower atmosphere where they’re zapped by UV rays,” he said. “They fall back to Earth as flakes that are so harmless, kids can play in them.”
Another jogger named Virellia, who is known to take up entire sidewalks from Walferdange all the way down to Gasperich, says that pedestrians are the problem.
“My online fitness coach says I need to jog at least 35 kilmeters in the open air every week, so I’ve got no choice in the matter,” she said. “If families and old people want to go on a walk, they can do it in their living rooms.”
“We’re all in this pandemic together,” she added. “I’ll do my part by staying fit, and you do your part by staying out of my way.”