A Luxembourg woman has decided to get rid of her bed as it was taking up precious space that could be used for more throw pillows. “They say you can never have enough throw pillows to decorate, obstruct, and fundamentally ruin your sleeping area,” said Beate Horn. “They are right.” On Thursday, workers removed Horn’s […]
Luxembourg church bell ringing transitions to alert system
Following the successful test of the new emergency alert system which caused half of the country’s population to leap several meters in the air, the Catholic Archdiocese of Luxembourg has announced it will switch to a similar system for the ringing of church bells. “For years, the Church has been the leader in the hey-you-wake-up […]
Contact info for reliable handyman locked in vault like nuclear codes
Saying that the information is far too important for anyone else to have, a Luxembourg resident has locked up the phone number of a reliable handyman as if the number contained nuclear codes. The name and number was written on a piece of paper and placed inside of an underground vault the woman who possesses […]
Child believes parents cried on back-to-school day because they were sad
A Bettembourg eight-year-old whose tearful parents accompanied him to school for the first day back is convinced they were crying due to sadness. The child, who was rushed out the door on Tuesday “in a flurry of hoorays and huzzahs,” says he was touched that at first his parents pretended to be excited on what […]
Couple’s nickname for Schueberfouer reaches record 26 syllables
The nickname used by a Luxembourg couple for the annual Schueberfouer has reached a record 26 syllables, according to official sources. The couple, who have struggled to correctly pronounce the name of the end-of-summer funfair since moving to the country six years ago, deny that their feat was intentional. “I had asked my partner Claire […]
Are today’s cartoons failing to warn children about the dangers of falling anvils?
The last time Marie-Laure Klein saw her son Max, he was throwing stones at a sarcastic, cigar-smoking crow that had landed in their garden. Within moments, the four-year-old — along with the tricycle he was riding — were gone, victim of an anvil that had mysteriously dropped from the sky. “I didn’t know falling anvils […]
These sales staff were having a nice chat until a rude customer interrupted them with a stupid question about ink cartridges
In what is being cited as yet more evidence that Luxembourg shoppers are increasingly acting like spoiled children, a self-centred customer has rudely interrupted a group of chatting sales associates with a dumb question about ink cartridges. Kevin M., Florian S., and Carine Y., who work in the electronics and appliances department of a retail […]
What your preferred emoji really says about you
Everyone’s got their own favorite emoji, the one you generally use no matter the context. After consulting with an amateur psychologist who dabbles in misanthropy and cynicism, we found out what the most common emojis say about those who use them. 🙏 Prayer hands, also known as folded hands You’re grateful and kind, a cross […]
Angry mutant Schueberfouer ride emerges from fairgrounds
Following days of complaints from kids that this year’s Schueberfouer is identical to last year’s, the nearly 700-year-old fair responded by producing a mutant ride, the likes of which had never been seen in Luxembourg or anywhere in the world. The improbable event took place on Tuesday afternoon as groups of workers from nearby offices […]
Adorable: Grand Duchy gives birth to Petit Duchy
After more than 150 years of intense labor, the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg has given birth to a Petit Duchy of Luxembourg. The baby duchy was born at 5:20 a.m. on Tuesday while most of the country’s residents were sleeping, and those who were awake mistook the distant rumbling and then terrifying shouting for an […]
All speed cameras to be replaced by a single very tall one
Luxembourg has announced that in order to cut costs and improve its efforts to deter drivers from speeding, the dozens of individual fixed speed cameras all over the country will be replaced by a single very tall one. Nicknamed “The Eye of Sauer,” the new 152-meter-tall speed camera will be able to catch speeders in […]
A historic first: young person goes to National Library to check out book
Prompting cheers from staff and looks of awe from fellow library goers, the first ever young person has gone to the National Library of Luxembourg in Kirchberg to actually check out a book. Library spokesperson Chantal Regaler explained: “Ever since the new national library opened in 2019, plenty of curious, intelligent young people have stepped […]