JUNGLINSTER — The yearly sexual union of a Luxembourg couple has been cancelled due to concerns about the coronavirus, according to the couple themselves.
Erik and Paloma van Wijngaarden held an emergency meeting on Saturday, the day of the planned union, to discuss rescheduling the event, but given the uncertainty surrounding the virus known as COVID-19, they agreed to simply call it off.
“It’s not wise to put ourselves in a situation in which we’re face-to-face with another person who could potentially be carrying the virus,” Erik said. “My motto: safety before a once-a-year robotic act that results in something approximating pleasure.”
“Erik’s a very heavy breather,” Paloma said. “He could conceivably expel millions of virus particles on me.”
The couple admits that they did try to develop safety measures to ensure that the event could go on, but in the end they determined such measures would be too costly. One discarded idea involved lathering one another in hand sanitizer before the act, but they calculated that would deplete their entire 550 milliliter supply.
