Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

6 Luxembourgish place names that sound like sex acts*

Péiteng If you and your partner engage in this, make sure to bring a raincoat and an umbrella. Dikrech  While this might sound like kinky fun, it usually results in an emergency visit to the urologist. Suessem Usually requires at least one participant to make noises suggestive of a vacuum cleaner. Rëmeleng Highly inadvisable, especially […]

Man crawls across Luxembourg City to raise awareness for dangers of after-work drinks

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Repeatedly saying “ugh” and cursing at everyone who offered to help him, a man has crawled all the way through the capital as part of a one-man campaign to raise awareness for the dangers of after-work drinks.  “Two-for-one cocktails, oh, uh, not my fault, barman made ‘em strong, too strong,” said Bereldange resident […]

‘Close all 12 streets that remain open,’ orders VDL official with maniacal laughter

LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At a press conference on Wednesday to address the traffic crisis, the official who oversees transportation and roadworks in the city suddenly grew annoyed with criticism and, in a moment of madness, ordered the remaining 12 open streets to be closed.  The official, going by the alias “Minister X,” at first attempted to […]

‘Insanity, heart attacks, possibly death’ the price for tram, official affirms

Responding to criticism that the worsening traffic in Luxembourg City is tearing the social fabric, a top official is reminding the public that inconvenience is the price to pay for the construction of a light rail network. “Look, you wanted a tram, so that means digging holes and laying tracks,” said Lettie Folper, the city’s […]

Home burglary fastest growing jobs sector

The Grand Duchy’s office for unofficial statistics, UNSTATEC, has released new figures showing that home burglary is now the biggest jobs sector, beating out more established ones like sausage farming and orchid sitting.  To local burglars, the report comes as no surprise.  “Luxembourg is full of homes, nice unguarded homes,” said one burglar who last […]