Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Everyone at business meeting still confused about greetings

Despite the feeling that life has mostly returned to normal, a group of adults at a business meeting have not been able to figure out how to greet each other.  The Wednesday meeting involved five otherwise competent professionals including two board members of a bank, a law partner, a counsel, and a senior legal officer.  […]

EU warns ‘we may never eradicate fist bumps’

Despite months of concerted effort from European and national agencies, the practice known as fist bumping will likely become a permanent fixture of the social fabric in Europe, the EU has warned. “Once upon a time, fist bumps were a relatively niche greeting practiced by urban youth, people with missing thumbs, and anyone suffering from […]

Government to lower housing prices by spreading rumor country has cooties

The government of Luxembourg has announced a plan to drastically reduce housing prices by spreading a rumor that the entire country has cooties. Cooties is a highly infectious and possibly imaginary disease that little boys often accuse little girls of having, claims to which girls then say, “No, you have cooties.” Officials say state employees […]

New €2.50 surcharge for blowing up cash machines

The agency that regulates Luxembourg’s banking sector has authorized a new surcharge to discourage people from igniting explosives inside the country’s thousands of cash machines. Starting next week, banks will be permitted to charge anyone who blows up a cash machine €2.50, in addition to other fees they might incur during the forcible removal of […]