Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

New Valorlux recycling bags for luxury goods

Saying that Luxembourg must do more to limit the number of glamorous handbags and accessories that end up at the bottoms of drawers and in the backs of wardrobes, Valorlux has announced the release of a new “gold” line of recycling sacks for luxury goods.  Collected items will be taken to a processing facility to […]

Schneider building clone army to serve on thousands of more boards 

Saying that one Etienne Schneider is not enough to fully capitalize on a political career, Etienne Schneider has confirmed he’s building a clone army of himself. “Every clone will be just like the original, with the same insider knowledge of government and industry,” said a spokesperson for Kamino, the Moscow-based company that’s overseeing production. “Like […]

Report: Luxembourg doesn’t care who wins as long as it’s not Germany, France, Belgium, Portugal, Italy

When asked which team it supports in the Euro 2020 championship, Luxembourg has said it doesn’t really care who wins as long as it’s not France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, or Italy. “Technically, we’re supposed to support Germany because we share the family name Schmidt as well as a profound love of grilled sausages,” said Luxembourg. […]

Nobody came to his birthday party, so a bunch of firemen showed up and told him to stop acting like an asshole all the time

When a seven-year-old boy in Capellen invited his classmates to his birthday party but none showed up, a group of helpful firemen stepped in to explain to the boy that he’s a little asshole and that’s why no one came. Massimo Bucci had been looking forward to last weekend’s party for weeks, says his mother […]