Respecting a tradition that goes back to at least the 1750s, members of Luxembourg’s secretive cycling community are gathering this weekend in a private location to sacrifice last year’s bicycles in hopes of ensuring a good riding season. “The Vëlobrennen is one of our most sacred rituals, one that admittedly must look strange to outsiders,” […]
Mathematician: 96 percent chance there is a Luxembourg village called Buttsdorf
A mathematician from the University of Wiltz has concluded there’s a “very high probability” that somewhere in the countryside of Luxembourg is an undiscovered village called Buttsdorf. “There are so many ridiculous place names in Luxembourg, including Pissange, Arsdorf, Assel, and Hoesdorf,” said professor Carl Nummers, who developed an interest in the topic after moving […]
Report: not one thing happened in Luxembourg today
A report issued by a consortium of Luxembourg’s largest new outlets has confirmed that nothing happened in Luxembourg today. “We sent reporters all over the Grand Duchy, from the depths of the mines in Rumelange to the heights of the Éislek, and they all returned with the same news,” says the report. “That there was […]
Wolf chooses to live in Belgium after seeing cost of dens here
A wolf that was sniffing around Luxembourg for a new den has announced that due to the high prices here, he and his pack have decided to live over the border in Belgium. “It would’ve been nice to live in Luxembourg,” the wolf said through his interpreter, a 26-year-old unshaved Belgian wolf whisperer named Loup. […]
Report: only people at work those actually ill
A nationwide survey has revealed that the only people at work in Luxembourg today are those who are verifiably ill, whereas everyone who called in sick is exaggerating their symptoms, faking it, or staying home because everyone else is doing it and why be a fool. “The 134,438 pathetic individuals who pulled themselves out of […]
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