Does your woman love green tea hand sanitizer but fears she won’t be able to get any now that shoppers have begun hoarding again? Give her an amazing orgasm by telling her that Auchan still has some in stock. Don’t rush When it comes to getting her aroused about her favorite antibacterial goo that kills […]
Luxembourg woman returns home to find Delhaize Proxy in her living room
HOWALD — A Luxembourg woman who returned from a three-day work trip on Thursday was met with a surprise when she found a fully staffed and operational Delhaize Proxy inside her flat. Natalia Federova admits that the Belgian chain is her preferred supermarket, due to its reasonable prices and simple floor plan, but she says […]
Expat survives afternoon of shopping in Trier industrial zone
A wealthy expat from Luxembourg City who visited a store on the outskirts of Trier has described the experience as “a nightmare” and says she feared she might not live to tell the story. Jeanna Klebertz made the 40-minute journey to Germany to visit a shop that specializes in wood furniture as part of a […]
Luxembourg store employee returns to full-time not giving a shit
BERTRANGE — A store employee who has spent the last month being apathetic part-time has returned to full-time not giving a shit. “It took a few weeks to get back into the routine and remember how to show minimal interest in the petty concerns of those who enter these premises,” said Damien Sellier, who had […]
‘Apply hand sanitizer or I’ll crush you,’ says Luxembourg security guard using only his eyes
The thousands of security guards posted at shop entrances all across the Grand Duchy are warning customers that if they fail to apply hand sanitizer before entering, they will be destroyed, according to the security guards’ own hardened eyes. The guards, most of whom have shaved heads and nicknames like “Pitbull” and “Bone-breaker,” have developed […]
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