Responding to criticism that the worsening traffic in Luxembourg City is tearing the social fabric, a top official is reminding the public that inconvenience is the price to pay for the construction of a light rail network. “Look, you wanted a tram, so that means digging holes and laying tracks,” said Lettie Folper, the city’s […]
UN to take over Luxembourg City roadworks disaster
NEW YORK — Describing the driving situation in Luxembourg City as “so bad that even the leather-clad masochists who used to flock there just to get stuck in traffic are running away,” the United Nations has announced it will be taking over the reconstruction of the city’s streets. Operation UNMILV calls for hundreds of peacekeeping […]
Idiot sober driver making everyone else slow down
GASPERICH — Panic filled Luxembourg’s motorways on Wednesday night when a reckless sober driver reportedly obeyed the speed limit, forcing other motorists to slam on their brakes and be confined to a lane. According to sources, the sober driver had attended a birthday party in the center, and rather than drink enough alcohol to diminish […]
Luxembourg mother forced to circle climate march 5 times before finding kid
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Emphasizing that her daughter specifically said she’d hang out at the edge of the Kinnekswiss park to be picked up following a climate march on Friday, a Luxembourg mother has been forced to circle the gathering for a fifth time. “Nadia promised she’d be there at 2:45 p.m.,” the mother said, glancing at […]
Luxembourg woman has wild sexual fantasy in which road workers on her street finish project on time
A resident of Luxembourg City has confessed to her closest friends that for months she’s been devising “an erotic but totally unrealistic” fantasy scenario in which the muscled young men who have spent the last year working on her street enter her home and announce they’ve finished. “I know, I know, it will never happen,” […]
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