Despite the enormous buzz surrounding the yearly Autofestival and the flood of prospective clients coming through dealership doors this week, a local car salesman has confirmed that he still doesn’t give a shit. Marco Donlingi explains that when a potential customer walks in, he usually waits between seven to 13 minutes before reacting. During that […]
Luxembourg pavilion to remain unfinished to better reflect country
DUBAI — Planners behind the Luxembourg pavilion at the Dubai 2020 World Expo have decided to leave the site “under perpetual construction” to give visitors a more accurate vision of life in the Grand Duchy. “We originally planned to complete a beautiful, modern three-story edifice in the shape of a Möbius strip, with a light […]
‘Close all 12 streets that remain open,’ orders VDL official with maniacal laughter
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — At a press conference on Wednesday to address the traffic crisis, the official who oversees transportation and roadworks in the city suddenly grew annoyed with criticism and, in a moment of madness, ordered the remaining 12 open streets to be closed. The official, going by the alias “Minister X,” at first attempted to […]
‘Insanity, heart attacks, possibly death’ the price for tram, official affirms
Responding to criticism that the worsening traffic in Luxembourg City is tearing the social fabric, a top official is reminding the public that inconvenience is the price to pay for the construction of a light rail network. “Look, you wanted a tram, so that means digging holes and laying tracks,” said Lettie Folper, the city’s […]
UN to take over Luxembourg City roadworks disaster
NEW YORK — Describing the driving situation in Luxembourg City as “so bad that even the leather-clad masochists who used to flock there just to get stuck in traffic are running away,” the United Nations has announced it will be taking over the reconstruction of the city’s streets. Operation UNMILV calls for hundreds of peacekeeping […]
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