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Luxembourg Wurst

Knock A Shining Dog

Drug dealer in front of building ‘an amenity,’ says Gare agent 

Drug dealing Gare Luxembourg CityLUXEMBOURG CITY – In a moment of inspiration, a real estate agent showing a unit in a new luxury apartment building in the Gare district has claimed the drug dealer downstairs as “an amenity.”

“This unit has three bedrooms and two bathrooms, one of which is en suite,” said Antonio Lopes, giving a young couple a tour. “The floors are hardwood, the windows are triple glazed to keep out the sounds of intoxicated persons fighting at 3:30 a.m., and there is a Five Guys only 50 meters away.”

“Speaking of guys, what about the man hanging out on the corner in front of the building,” asked potential buyer Tiziana Polverini. “The gentlemen with the blue sports shoes and black tracksuit who called you ‘papi’ and asked what we were looking for.”

Prepared to explain that the man is an unlicensed pharmaceutical vendor who would probably not bother the couple as long as they ignored him, the agent opted for a new strategy. 

“That is one of the most attractive amenities of this unit,” the agent said. “Exclusive, 24/7 access to a drug dealer, just steps away.” 

After a short discussion, the couple told the agent they wanted to buy the flat. 

“We’re not interested in hard drugs, but it’s nice to know that when we’re having a party and run out of weed, we can just pop downstairs,” said Fredercio Acosta.

Following Lopes’s success, other agents say they will follow suit. 

“All this time, we’ve been putting pressure on the police to clean up this neighborhood and get rid of the dealing when in fact it can be our strongest selling point,” said one.

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