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Knock A Shining Dog

First prove you can grow facial hair, Europe says to new Austrian chancellor

October 16, 2017

Austrian chancellor told to grow facial hairBRUSSELS — Saying that in theory there is no reason why a 31-year-old shouldn’t lead a prosperous, democratic nation like Austria, Europe is still demanding that the new chancellor first demonstrate that he can grow facial hair.  “It doesn’t need to be a full-on lumberjack beard or anything, just a solid patch of face fuzz that gives one the impression that you have surpassed puberty,” Europe told Sebastian Kurz via email on Monday. “We’re also open to a simple yet thick mustache, or even just sideburns that extend below the bottom of the earlobe and reassure us that children are not sneaking into positions of power.”

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