Verifiers from the University of Wiltz have confirmed that all 343,104,002 Americans appear in the so-called Epstein files, after having examined a recent release of millions of pages of documents related to the deceased financier and convicted sex offender. Working day and night in teams of several dozen, the verifiers from the university’s Office of […]
Juncker video confirms rumors that Earth is spinning wildly out of control
For years, conspiracy theorists have claimed that our planet’s rotational speed has been rapidly increasing, and yet while most people scoffed at the idea, new evidence suggests the conspiracy theorists might be right. On Wednesday, video footage was released of former Luxembourgish politician and current European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker at a meeting with world […]
Snow gives Luxembourg drivers valuable opportunity to drive like total crap
A few centimeters of snow is cause for auto commuters in the Grand Duchy to suddenly lose any semblance of driving abilities and instead recklessly drift around like intoxicated and nearly blind grandmothers who have taken too much cold medication. “Even though my Range Rover is equipped with snow tires and the streets have already […]
Shakira defers Luxembourg show to fiscal year 2018
In a move that tax advisory and financial consulting experts say makes good sense, the international pop star Shakira has deferred most of this year’s concerts, including one in Luxembourg, to fiscal year 2018. The Luxembourg show, scheduled to take place at the Rockhal on Dec. 4, had already been deferred from the third quarter of […]
Spike in number of young back-pain sufferers as Luxembourg okays medical cannabis
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Within minutes of Tuesday’s announcement that medical marijuana will soon be legal in the Grand Duchy, tens of thousands of young men and women were suddenly afflicted with terrible back pain. Graphic design intern Christophe Lambert, 21, who last weekend took ninth place in an Ironman competition in France, says that he is […]