A Luxembourg City mugger was greatly relieved to learn on Saturday that a group of police officers in an armored vehicle were speeding toward protestors near the Glacis who refused to disperse – and not him.
“I was hanging out in the city center looking for a suitable victim for my next purse grab, when all of the sudden I saw flashing police lights coming my way, and I thought, game over, they’re coming for me,” he said. “Imagine how relieved I was when they sped past me to neutralize a middle-aged woman who was violently standing.”
The mugger says that ever since the government vowed to crack down on unruly demonstrators, he feared that he might accidentally get targeted.
“Look, I’m just an honest thief trying to make anywhere from ten to ten thousand euros a day depending what kind of jewelry, cash, and electronic devices I can forcibly remove from people, not some angry protester chanting nonsense about ‘liberty’ and aggressively holding a cardboard sign.”
“Which by the way can be used as a weapon, if it’s thrown like a frisbee and if it hits you in the eye,” he added. “Those people truly frighten me, and I’m glad the police are cleaning this city up.”