Parents in Luxembourg who complain-brag about having to become full-time teachers are being reminded that putting your child in front of a tablet for three hours every morning doesn’t count as teaching, nor does it count as doing something full-time. “Having your kid binge-watch educational videos doesn’t mean you’re a teacher now,” say teachers. “It […]
‘One month equals 46,080 minutes,’ demonic child informs mother
A child from Beggen who is clearly driven by evil and a desire to inflict pain on innocent people casually informed his mother on Wednesday evening that one month equals 46,080 minutes. The vile calculation came just moments after Betina Moltze, 36, told her son Viktor that the Ministry of Education had announced that schools […]
Back to school in Luxembourg City
Investigators: classmate in oversized Marc Jacobs dress got it from second-hand shop
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A mystery that baffled private school students for an entire morning has been solved thanks to the hard work of two teenage detectives. When Brianna Dorian, 14, showed up at school on Tuesday wearing a Marc Jacobs silk midi dress, classmates had plenty of questions. How could she afford such a dress? And […]
Exhausted parents demand immediate end to summer holidays
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Chanting “eight weeks of summer holidays is seven weeks too long,” hundreds of local parents took to the streets on Wednesday to demand that schools immediately reopen and “take back these sticky-faced parasites before we all go insane.” Bettembourg father Dag Linwood, 39, says he’s gone through a whole summer’s worth of activities […]