A child from Beggen who is clearly driven by evil and a desire to inflict pain on innocent people casually informed his mother on Wednesday evening that one month equals 46,080 minutes. The vile calculation came just moments after Betina Moltze, 36, told her son Viktor that the Ministry of Education had announced that schools […]
Back to school in Luxembourg City
Investigators: classmate in oversized Marc Jacobs dress got it from second-hand shop
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — A mystery that baffled private school students for an entire morning has been solved thanks to the hard work of two teenage detectives. When Brianna Dorian, 14, showed up at school on Tuesday wearing a Marc Jacobs silk midi dress, classmates had plenty of questions. How could she afford such a dress? And […]
Exhausted parents demand immediate end to summer holidays
LUXEMBOURG-VILLE — Chanting “eight weeks of summer holidays is seven weeks too long,” hundreds of local parents took to the streets on Wednesday to demand that schools immediately reopen and “take back these sticky-faced parasites before we all go insane.” Bettembourg father Dag Linwood, 39, says he’s gone through a whole summer’s worth of activities […]
Former champion hand spinner ends life in rubbish
LORENTZWEILER — A hand spinner that in the summer of 2017 was celebrated by an entire Luxembourg primary school has now ended up in a heap of rubbish, unrecognized and uncherished. The metallic item, which measures 7.5 centimeters in diameter, won every contest it was entered into, earning it the title of “the best in […]